How Becoming A Work At Home Parent Helped My Marriage

All marriages go through problems and my marriage is no exception. That’s why I’m forever thankful that my marriage has lasted this long and continues to  grow stronger.

We’ve been through a lot and I’m glad we made a lot of good choices along the way. I think, I believe, one of the choices that helped keep my marriage together was the decision to become a work at home parent. It was a decision that wasn’t taken lightly and wouldn’t have been possible without my husband’s total support and our determination to make it work.

Our Struggles

My husband works in a call center and his schedule is often erratic. And before we had our child, there were times that we hardly saw each other. He often works nights and I usually work during the day. And although my previous job offered some flexibility in terms of schedule, it still didn’t give us enough time to really be together.

And that first year after I gave birth was really tough on our marriage. We were having financial, health and family problems. We fought a lot and there were times  we literally cried ourselves to sleep because we didn’t know what else to do.

Our Solution

Then my sister offered me a writing job that paved the way for me to becoming a work at home mom.

When I started I was making a lot less than what I was earning in my previous job, but it was enough to make ends meet. Since we didn’t have to spend for child care and I didn’t have any office expenses, what I was making was already a big relief.

But more than that, it also helped lift a huge burden off my husband’s shoulders. Being the sole breadwinner in our family scared him. At that time, our future looked so uncertain and he wasn’t sure what he was earning was enough to provide for all out needs. Me getting that job helped relieve a lot of stress and made us more confident about our future.

Unexpected Benefit

Date night at Bellini's
Date night at Bellini’s

The relief from our financial burden was welcome and expected. What we didn’t expect was finally getting that extra time together.

It’s not a perfect set up. We still have to share our time with our daughter. But working at home allowed me to adapt my schedule to his work schedule. I would try to work when he is working so we could be together. I was finally able to wait for him to get home so we could finally talk and just be husband and wife and not Mama and Papa.

And even when I can’t match his schedule (because of our child), I’m still able to make some time for him even if it’s just to talk or take care of him.

Why It’s All Worth It

My daughter, my husband and I at our favorite place: home.
My daughter, my husband and I at our favorite place: home.

A while back, I was seriously considering applying for a job and working in an office. It was one of those days where everything went wrong. My daughter was being difficult and I was having a hard time at work. I started to question if the sacrifices I made were worth it and if I was really cut out to be a work at home parent.

After I shared this with my husband, he held my hand and told me that I was doing a great job. “More than that”, he says, “I’m glad you’re a work at home mom. I get to see you and our baby everyday. I look forward to coming home because I know you’re there waiting for me.”

Those words made everything worth it.

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10 Replies to “How Becoming A Work At Home Parent Helped My Marriage”

  1. Inspiring blog on how to make things work with childcare. It’s definitely a strong option, but how can you work whilst looking after your little one? I’m only asking because i’m wondering if i can make it work. However my little one is only 20 months old, so she doesn’t play by herself yet.

    1. To be quite honest, I had to figure out a lot of things as I go along. When my daughter was really young and she had a regular sleeping schedule, I would work while she slept and I would place her in a carrier or sling when I had to do the chores. When she got older, I had really nice neighbors who offered to watch over her while she played. I was also lucky I had friends who had kids the same age so we would set “work and play” dates. One mom would be the designated mom while the rest of us would work. Eventually, I had to get a full time nanny to watch over my daughter.

      I’m confident that you can make this work. It’s not going to be easy but it is possible. If I could only give you one piece of advice it would be to find a good support system. Having people around you who understand and are willing to help will always make things easier =)

  2. I’m glad you are in a better place after being a wahm. I experienced (and am experiencing) a lot doing the transition but it really IS worth it no? Not everyone would understand. Intermittently, there will be “what if” questions but you yourself know if it was the right decision. And when you see your husband and children happier, wala nang tanong tanong un. => And I love that you are a writer! Wish I can be one too. Have a great week!

    1. Thank you so much! It’s still a bit of a challenge because not a lot of people understand the decisions we make for our family. But you’re right, as long as we’re happy and it works for us, what everyone else thinks doesn’t matter. Have a great week to you too!

  3. i hope i get to chat w you next week during our play date! this article has my name on it… feel na feel ko. going through the same things you did back then. having a child and the decision to change one’s life around to prioritize them is certainly not easy. i gave birth to a baby, but that birthed a mother too, and life has become radically different! wife, full time mother… i can’t seem to find time to be me. hopefully when my son’s a little older…

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