Making A Work At Home Marriage Work

The past year has been tough for me and my husband mainly because our work/home dynamic has changed.
I am fortunate to have a husband who is really shares the work when it comes to taking care of our daughter and our home. Because of that, we have developed a system where most of the time we consult with each other when making major decisions.

This system works in part because we like doing things together. Also because I’m a bit of a control freak. I’m not a control freak in the sense that I want to be in control. I’m the type who needs to know what’s happening around me so I know what I can control.

But all of that changed last year when I had the opportunity to become an enterprise trainer/facilitator. It’s a challenging career and I love every minute of it. The problem though is that the job requires a lot of travelling. This often meant I would be away from home for weeks at a time. There were even times I was only home for the weekend before I had to fly out to another workshop.

My husband supports my career. But it was difficult for us because sometimes I would be sent to places where it would be difficult for him to contact me. This meant he had to make some decisions without me. This was difficult for both of us. He had to take on responsibilities that I normally took on. I also really didn’t like the idea of giving up control.

Eventually, this manifested with us fighting over household chores. I know what you’re thinking; fighting about chores is so petty. And this bothered me because we haven’t fought over chores for years. It took a while for us to realize that this wasn’t about the chores. It was a shift in our family dynamics that we weren’t prepared for. The predictability we have come to rely on for the past few years was gone. We thought we knew how to handle it, turns out we didn’t. We thought we already talked things through and apparently it wasn’t enough.

So we worked it out the only way we knew how, did tackled the problems one at a time. We went out of our way to be patient with each other. We made an effort to be more accommodating to each other. Last but not the least; we had our daughter do more chores.

It hasn’t been easy because it meant a lot of change. We had to change our expectations of each other. I always thought we were adults but the past year really forced us to be more mature when it comes to handling change and our personal frustrations.

Things are easier now. I think we’re almost there. We still ruffle each other’s feathers every now and then but at least it’s easier now to talk about it. This year was tough but I think it’s a good thing. This experience showed us that we can still have a lot of growing up to do as a family. And as individuals, it showed us that we can still change and surprise each other every once in a while.

This coming year should be interesting. Looking forward to making it amazing.

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